Writing.

Hi. Someone very special to me wrote these and I wish they were for me but I don’t think they are which makes me sad. But doesn’t mean they aren’t beautiful.

If I do it right this time, if I were to show you a good time could I call you my baby or would it still be a maybe. For you I’d try anything if being together was a possibility. It’s a long shot I know but I’m more than ready show you all the things I’ve learnt from you and everything you mean to me.

Your arms around my waist while the tears roll down my face but you’d never know because I keep you in the dark. The lights turned low and it’s time for you to go but I can’t stand to see you walk away. Don’t leave me here. Don’t leave me here stranded on the island of lost love and broken hearts. Take my hand, show me the way, show me the way to love you right. I’d do anything to please you babe anything to make you smile. Please don’t leave me here, at least not right now.

Please don’t let my thoughts take flight because once I’m gone I’ll be gone all night. You can hold me and love me and tell me you need me but I won’t remember because my mind is in the clouds. Lost above, lost below. I’m too lost to be found. Lock the door throw away the key I’m not coming back there’s no point in waiting for me.

– AJ

Ps let me know what you think of my friends writing. Xoxox

Boys.

Hi. Boys sucks! And don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are nice guys out there I just haven’t found any that like me at all. I’m never a guys first choice. And ya ya that’s been said a million times with teenage girls going “wow me”. But that’s how I feel. I don’t know I guess I feel like I’m missing out on a big high school experience by not having a boy friend or losing my virginity. I mean it might come but it sucks feeling like you are missing out on something so great and real. I just want a guy who will like me for me and hug me! Is that too much…? Haha maybe, and maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend! Oh well, maybe he’ll notice me.

– AJ

PS there was a guy. His name was Drew. He told me he liked me, and then five seconds later a gf. I still want him, figures. Anyways thanks for listening xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Optimism?

Hi. So basically everybody can probably relate friends can suck sometimes. My group is completely in this full blown war. But I’m confused. In life is it better to be an optimist or a pessimist. People are telling me I’m crazy because I am the only one that believes that all this shit we can get over and everything will work out. While they are all dismissive and I feel like they don’t care they’ve just embraced that "life sucks". But I refuse to just live my life so negative, yes I might be disappointed and all of that but I would rather be happy the rest of the time! So to all of you pessimists, I’m sorry still love you all 💜!

– AJ

PS These friends that I’m singling out, trust me are not the only friends I have I do have really amazing friends outside that I love just as much! Yay xoxoxoxo

New Friends.

Hi. Today had a good ending of the day because I made a new friend. And he told me this quote because he knows I have a passion and a dream to travel the world he said….

Who knows how this earth came to be, but it’s here for us to see!

I think I like this boy guys…😊

– AJ

PS This is a picture he took, he’s incredible and so is his picture xoxoxo

Sick.

Hi. Ever think it’s worth it to have an amazing time but then end up sick afterward…? Haha I am debating that very thought right now and I think it’s worth it! Having so many many crappy times with friends and school it’s worth it to let loose, go crazy, and have a blast just you and some good fun friends for once in forever! So being sick right now might suck a whole lot yes…but it’ll get better and hopefully there will be more fun times around the corner again…if anybody out there is curious to know what me and my friends did, no there wasn’t any alcohol, but it may have involved us with a grocery cart HIGH ON LIFE….

– AJ

PS if you are curious about this anymore ask in comments lol :P

Left out and Lonely.

Hi. It’s weird how in a group of friends we can all try so hard to make sure that we all remain staying friends, but at the same time we all feel left out almost all the time and we all feel lonely. There are so many problems that go unheard of that build up and up and then we are left here. Where none of us are very happy to go see our group of friends. I’m just happy I have groups that I can go to, when there are problems in my own. But it’s hard to be here when you think that grade 11 is going to be an amazing year and then all of sudden you start to lose hope fast, convincing yourself you are a bad friend. Well hopefully that’s not the case and hopefully we can get past this because I have too much fun still with the friends I do have to let this discourage me fully. So hopefully we can get through this life of highschool and to the otherside before we lose all hope.

– AJ

PS Sorry I haven’t been around much if you read this I’ll come back more often! Thanks for listening xoxo

Injuries.

Hi. I know this may sound like my life isn’t all that great but it is and it has it’s good parts for sure, but high school is hard and right now especially is a rough patch for me. So about 9 months ago I dislocated my shoulder right at the end of dance season. (I am a competitive hip hop dancer) I had to miss one competition and then rehabilitate my injury during the summer so it wouldn’t happen again. But sadly two weeks ago three weeks in to the new season, it happened again. I remember going dark, people screaming, me screaming, shaking I could barely here anything. And now because of my stupid actions and bad decisions, I had to quit my only outlet/activity for the year. Dance was my place for creative expression, exercise, friends. And now it’s a good memory that makes me long for it every day I’m gone from it. I can only wish for it back though that will never be the case. Tomorrow is the day we find out my options. I want the surgery done. I feel like I need a better excuse for quitting one of my loves. It isn’t enough for me just to be me and lonely and bored all year, I need that for myself. So I guess all I can do now is breathe and wait for tomorrow. Wish me luck!

– AJ

PS Hospitals don’t scare me anymore, I’ve been really sick, almost died a couple times, I’m numb to them now. This picture reminds me when I was seven with brain problems living in the hospital. xoxoxo

Tough Realisations.

Hi. It’s really hard to find out, out of the blue one day that you ruined many past friendships because of your actions, you never realized you were making at the time. And then all of a sudden you ask them what went wrong expecting to be prepared for the answers of what’s to come and then…boom! It turns out you were the farthest thing from ready to hear you fucked up, it’s over, and you don’t get anymore chances to show them or make it up. I really wish it was possible to say “I’m sorry” and tell them that you’ve changed or can, but in reality, life sucks and its not that easy. I wish I could go back and fix, mend, and repair some friendships I’ve lost over stupid mistakes on my part, but that’s not how life works. So I’m laying here tonight praying I don’t let the friendships I have now be ruined by my foolish actions and continue on with life learning what not to do and to be a better friend. I’m sorry to those I hurt, to those that wouldn’t give me a second chance. It makes sense if you can’t bring yourself to find it in you to let me fix those friendships I’ve ruined. But I will miss you guys, and your love and your friendships you gave me. So, all I can do now is breathe, think smarter in my friendships, and continue on with my life learning as we go!

– AJ

PS Thanks for listening guys! I had a party last night with my friends now and it reminds me that I have amazing people surrounding me and I’m going to try my best not to lose these ones out of my bad behaviors I love you all! xoxoxoxo

PPS The red and yellow orchids is one of my best friend’s flowers and this topic makes me want a hug from her right now. So this picture cheers me up!

Change.

Hi, Life sucks. (not all the time) But ya people change, life changes and not always what we think is for the better. And certainly right now it hurts more than hell. To wake up one day and tell yourself well if your best friend doesn’t even like you, and she’s the one who is supposed to love you practically the most then maybe nobody really likes you at all. This feeling makes you sick to your stomach, it makes it’s hard to hold back tears that are practically bursting from your eyes, and it makes you feel lonely. I once told my best friend, “I don want you to ever feel lonely not when I’m around.” But it’s hard to realize that my feelings and actions were never really reciprocated from Tyler.  with one last gift and attempt I’ll try but my biggest attempt should really be for myself in trying to move on from a four year wonderful friendship I will sure as hell miss. Anyways thanks for listening!

– AJ

PS I love photography. This is a picture I took with my best friend Tyler. Xo

First thing you should know.

Hi, the first thing you should know about myself is that my younger sister Ray, is training at the National Ballet to be a professional ballerina. She is two years younger than me. Before she left my sister was dancing at our local dance studio almost twenty hours a week. All of our mothers attention went to my sister, and I always felt like I was living in her shadow, with her gone now its even more so that way. I don’t have a gift like my sister does, I have activities but nothing like her. She practically has her whole life mapped out with a ballet career when I can barely even think of something I would want to take when I move away to University in a couple of years. Meanwhile everyone is telling me the time is now to have life figured out, and no matter what I choose to do Ill be amazing at. That’s enough pressure without being compared to my little sister every second of my life. I love her, don’t get me wrong and I couldn’t be more proud of what she is doing and where her life is headed, and no matter how much I dislike ballet, Ill be cheering her on front row at every show she does. Its hard to live in a shadow, I’m just trying to learn where I fit in my own life with my family and younger sister.

– AJ

PS My sister is a beautiful and talented dancer and she will be famous one day, I always thought I may be famous, but Ray got the longer stick in the end. Look for her at a stage near you.